Friday, February 15, 2013

How to Deal with Kids and Be Cool with it

When you are in your middle age, or what age level, you will encounter kids will get in your nerves.  And we forget that they are still kids and meant to do mistakes.  Just like we were, right?  I will try to give you guys a guide about how to have a basic mindset when it comes to kids.

Try to know if you will be dealing with kids on a regular basis.
I have 5 kids living in our parents house.  All from my older siblings.  I love them, but they get in to my nerves sometimes.  But still I have the guilty feeling after I scold them.  It is because as much as I can, I will try to understand and try to be flexible and it is really hard to see them cry.  And I hate myself to show them that I hate them, but in fact I am just doing the what maybe a Dad will do but at the end when I try to analyze, I am doing the exact opposite.  But the more I try the less I understand.  On a regular basis, I see them 5 to 6 times a week on a average of 5 to 6 hours.  But if you are the one who will deal for a less time then you will more time to think.

Try to know the situation.  Age, likes, dislikes, etc.
Now you will try to analyze.  For me I have a toddler, a kindergarten, two grade schoolers, and a high schooler.  This set have a lot of diversity.  I thought at first it is easy for me to talk to the eldest because of the age difference between me and eldest is the closest.  But what I thought will work is not 100 % working.  Adjustments are needed each time we talk or we come across.  He is of course in the stage of a boy to man period.  So adult talking will still be too ahead and little boy talking will be too behind.  And at the same time at that age, I know that they sense that you are just trying hard to get their attention.  Common factor will be a good start.  Sports, music are just examples that works.  You don't have to try hard and at the same time it is easy to understand.

Now for the little ones, it is all playtime.  What is appealing will be playing with imagination.  You actually don't have to have the expensive toys to do this.  Example you can play cowboy with them without the actual toy gun.  You can use your hands and so on.  You can do make face games or simply color a book with them.  Boring at first but patience and the enjoyment will soon take your mind.

In some cases you won't even get their attention.  You can think of it like adults, maybe they have a bad day and talk with them later when they start to get your attention.  Actually, this is the perfect timing of doing what you need to do since they won't bother you.  When they don't react if you are in a playful state, give them a break.  Believe me they need space too.

Tantrums.  The "I Want It" Attitude.
Wow, this is the hard part.  When situation don't favor for both of you.  I normally pick up one of the grade schoolers before lunch because he only have about 4 hours a day in school.  At first he really is always insisting of asking me to buy candies, toys or anything he can think of before reaching home.  But there were times that I forgot my purse and he started doing the "I Want It" attitude.  First reaction from me is, I started making him understand that I forgot my wallet and I don't have anything to buy him anything.  This will never be acceptable to kids that age.  I know, because I remember my childhood.  So I started remembering my time when I was his age.  If I want something that I can't get, I started making the sad face and not talking with my mom.  But that is not the behavior I get from this one.

What I did is I told him that once we reach home I will give you money then he can walk to any store to buy what he likes.  So from there what I can say about tantrums is that you should make a deal that what they want they can get it if they will learn to wait.  But what if expensive toys like, big robots, doll houses or even a horse (Yeah I know, kids can be really creative these days).  Now it is really your negotiation powers that really needs to take in effect.  Don't shout at them and say NO.  Say it nicely, if they come back at you being disrespectful, don't hit back by saying something severe.  Keep the same pace from your end.  Remember you are the adult and act that way.  Just try to ask "What if questions".  Like "What if I get you this one instead?" Or try other questions like, "What if you are a good boy all day I will get you this next week?".  And lastly, keep the promise.  Don't make them wait for nothing.  In short, don't break their hearts.

The Deal with Dealing with Kids
Bottom line is that you will end up feeling very annoyed.  It is normal, you are human.  But don't get that annoyed feeling getting the best of you.  Never forget you are the adult so act to the kids as someone that they can look up to not the other way around that they are the one who will look after you.  Patience is a virtue with kids, because they are still lovable and they really don't get it yet, alright? Keep telling yourself that they are kids and you are not anymore OK?  Eventually they are the ones who will be patient with you.  And you know what, they will even be tired of making your life hard.  Learn what they like to do and ask yourself million times if it is really bad that they play around?  Making a mess?  It is really that they are still kids and after a short 20 years they will, together with you, just look back those messy days.  For now, enjoy the kids as much as they enjoy being one.

Do you think it is Cool that I wrote an Essay about this? If yes or no, drop a comment below and let me know what you think.  Thanks and until next time.

Links that I have used that you may find interesting:
  • which talked about Mindset, a term that I used on the beginning of the blog
  • because I am not sure if "in to" or "into" is the one that I will use
  • for additional reading with a more detailed information with children who can be spoiled or acting disrespectful